Yes, Master (entry 47): Dungeon Etiquette

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I visited a dungeon that is new to me this weekend and it got me to thinking about the basics of dungeon etiquette, especially a dungeon that isn't yours. Every dungeon is different and, within each dungeon, there's its own mini-culture, vibe, do's, and dont's. Here are 10 tips that are useful to think about and are generally applicable to visiting and playing within a BDSM dungeon or playspace:

1.) Don't walk in like you own the place, whether you're a Dom or a sub. Chances are there is already an established group of cliques and hierarchies that you'll need to subtly merge into or slide through in some capacity. Be respectful, humble, and take a light approach. Acting as though you're the Second Coming and that everyone should be thrilled that you're there is a surefire way of irritating people. Ease your presence in. This is especially true in a place like my city, Chicago, where the scene is big but there is that small town element in the sense that everyone sort of knows or knows of everyone else. The scene is welcoming here but can be prickly sometimes. Be cool, be nice, and always use the When In Rome approach.

2.) Don't ever intrude on other peoples' scenes.


3.) Do you see someone you like or want to talk to? If you're going to make contact with them, feel out the vibe first before you approach and be sure that they're not "owned" by some other Master or Mistress before hitting on them or making a possibly regretful/embarassing request. Dungeons are not singles' bars. Not even close.

4.) Which brings me to this point: Most people, when going to a dungeon, bring a play partner with them. It's entirely possible that you'll meet some new people to play with at the dungeon but don't count on it. You're responsible for creating your own entertainment.

5.) Always clean off a piece of equiptment after you've finished using it. There will probably be a spray bottle and paper towels near by. Most gyms, as a matter of fact, have this same policy.

6.) Yes, it's a BDSM dungeon so, yes, there will be some noise that is naturally being created. You'll hear spanking sounds, moans, and whips cracking. But don't go too over-the-top to the point where your audio output is adding a layer onto the playtime of others. Screaming Girl, I'm talking to you.

7.) If someone is using a piece of equiptment that you want to use, don't stand there huffing and staring as though you're waiting outside of a port-a-john. Go do something else and use a different piece of equiptment until the others have finished their scene.

8.) Don't spread your gear all over the place. Keep your stuff within a small area and don't be a slob. No one wants their Dominatrix tripping over your rope bundle or accidentally kicking your dildos around.

9.) If you're a BDSM play smarty-pants, don't feel entitled to be strolling around and giving out your jewels of wisdom to others. Unless someone is engaging in dangerous play, let those kinksters discover for themselves what techniques suit them and what, for them, is fun or not fun.

10.) I, personally, like to visit a dungeon first before actually playing in it. But that's just me. Every dungeon has it's own vibe, personality, culture, assortment of equiptment, and resident players. I like being able to get the lay of the land before setting up a tent. At this point I feel comfortable about going into new places but, for many of you, there can be a nervousness about those new places which is completely understandable. That anxiety can actually stop people from frequenting dungeons because it gives the impression that you're supposed to be on show at some strange place, in front of strange people, and perform like a circus animal with whatever awkwardness and learning curves that go along with it. Visit the place first. Take your partner there first. Sit around, watch people a little bit, meet the owner, and get familiar with the gear. That way, you'll feel much more settled when actually playing at this new space and you'll be able to enjoy yourself a lot more.