Yees, Master (entry 28): The First 5 Minutes

This is the newest article for my "Yes, Master" column that appears every other Wednesday (tomarrow) on The New Gay website.

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Like working out, starting at a dinner party, or jumping into a pool (or lake or ocean) of cold water, the first 5 minutes of a BDSM session are usually not everyones' favorite moments.

S&M is like many other things in the sense that it sometimes takes a few minutes in order for things to click into place. For the nervous, it can take a little while to ease into the scene that's taking place--to feel comfortable, to let themselves go, and to psychologically settle into their bondage.

For the Master or the Mistress, the first few moments of a session may require an oncoming understanding of what "type" of slave they're working with if the slave is new to them. I've found, through my experiences, that some slaves aren't 100% honest when it comes to communicating what type of slave they are and where their genuine interests are. It doesn't have as much to do with intentional dececption as it does with nervousness, shyness, and/or a lack of insight regarding their own bondage fantasies. What you say isn't always what you get. This seems to occur often with submissives who are new to the world of BDSM.

For the Dom/Domme of the scene, sometimes it takes a moment for us to cook up a plan for the pacing of a session, the kinds of tortures that will be aimed at them, which devices and bondage positions to use, and how the crescendo of the scene will take place (warm up, beginning, middle, and finale). When I first started out Domming, I remember sometimes feeling anxious about how to pace the scene so that it made sense to me and the slave; so that it was enjoyable, satisfying, and organic. Directing a BDSM session is like playing music in the sense that you want to hit the right notes at the right moments. The slave is your instrument.

At this point, I know how to pace out a session so that it makes sense to me and that foundation of anxiety is pretty much gone at this point. I have more than a few tricks up my sleeve and I have a general understanding of how every individual slave has a tendency to fall into particular slave archetypes that I'm familar with. Although no one is exactly the same, it's also a fact that no one is as "weird" as they think that they are.

I know that couples and BDSM enthusiasts sometimes fantasize about enjoying a session and then they jump into it with their play partners, the scene isn't hitting the right notes, they stop, go do something else, and then they feel disappointed with the scene or with themselves or with their play partner(s). You have to get throught the first 5 or 10 minutes, sometimes, in order to find the right tone and/or rhythm for yourselves. Don't give up. Practice, communication, knowing yourself, and knowing your partner creates the best BDSM scenes. Practice, patience, and experience makes perfect. Don't expect to love the first minutes and be aware the second, third, fourth, fifth, ect. session with your partner will inevitably be much better than your first.