Yes, Master (entry 26): Best Of 2010

The EIC at The New Gay wanted me to whip up a last-minute "Best Of BDSM" for 2010 so here it is!

This is the newest article for my "Yes, Master" column that appears every other Wednesday on The New Gay website. Visit The New Gay to read some of my other entries (simply enter "Master Aiden or "Yes Master" into the search feature) as well as additional insightful columnists and writings focused LGBT-related interests.
http://thenewgay.net/

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The BDSM world is interesting because it's always fluctuating and, yet, always remains the same. I think that's why people love it so much--there's that stable foundation of reliable "comforts" as well as a consistant number of new surprises popping up that you can depend on year after year. Technology evolves and innovative toy-makers create new and wonderful ways to initiate erotic torture.

I usually like the classics. Sometimes the stuff that seems too trendy or too hyped-up usually loses its flavor and tends to fade out after a little while. But not always.

At any rate here is my, and only my, opinion on what make up the Best Of BDSM at this moment.

Best Of BDSM 2010:

-Rubber Paddles. Not only do they provide a very meaty whallop at first strike, they actually bend/bounce back and hit you again all on their own. What good sports!

-Metal Chains As Bondage. It's my medieval side coming out. And, no, they don't hurt as much as you might think. The sound, the look, the no-nonsense of it all are completely awesome.

-Hog Nips. Rubber suction cups that you apply to the nipples to temporarily swell them, increasing sensitivity and tweakability. Good times.

-Fetishwear Outside Of Leather. Yes, leather is king in the BDSM community but it's also great to see kinky types venturing outside of expensive, hard-to-completely-clean animal hides. More rubber, spandex, pleather, vinyl, and darlex are welcome and, from what I can tell, many others in the scene agree with me.

-My Leather (contradicting myself already) Bondage Gloves. Hang them from the ceiling and now you're hanging from the ceiling.

-The Violet Wand. Stimulation and fireworks for hours of fun. Just keep it below the waistline.

-Hot Wax. So simple, so old-school, so easy, so dependable. Works every time to raise the tension of a scene.

-Sara Wrap Mummification. Want a nice, fun activity for a slow Saturday afternoon?

-Clips and Clamps. Whether they're wood, metal, or rubber, climps and clamps are always and forever the best way of showing someone who's the boss.

-Single Tail Whips. Create lines and designs while you practice your aim. Everybody wins!

Yes, Master (entry 25): Assume Nothing

This is the newest article for my "Yes, Master" column that appears every other Wednesday on The New Gay website. Visit The New Gay to read some of my other entries (simply enter "Master Aiden or "Yes Master" into the search feature) as well as additional insightful columnists and writings focused LGBT-related interests.

http://thenewgay.net/

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"Sometimes the more experience, the less you know."

But not quite in this case.

It's more like "The more experience, the less you go about assuming things."

That's my take when it comes to working with new BDSM slaves. One of the biggest misconceptions about S&M is that there is anything along the lines of a one-size-fits-all experience.

Every submissive likes to be paddled, right? And they all like to be tied up?

All the slaves want to be sworn at, swatted at, mistreated?

All of them want to kiss your boots and call you "Master"?

No. Not quite. Not at all.

BDSM is complex and nuanced but not only in general--it's also completely unique, complex, nuanced, and complicated on every case-by-case basis. No two slaves are the same.

When I first started out, I wasn't completely naive enough to think that everyone wanted the same thing but I had no idea that, for some submissives, even the supposedly standard Master and slave relationship is not a given. Everyone enjoys a different set of experiences and tonalities. And, because they're in a variety of vulnerable positions, the slaves are especially sensitive and every good Master and Mistress has to be tuned in to their needs and undeniable individualities.

Not everybody wants to be whipped and some people, actually, really hate nipple clamps. Just because they're a "slave" doesn't mean that they enjoy being tied up and set hanging from the rafters. As a matter of fact, it may be a huge turnoff for them.

There is clearly room to push boundries, to create completely fresh experiences, and to introduce surprizes in BDSM dynamics. However.....it's always important for everyone to have fun and to address why it is that they're creating the scene to begin with.

Always talk to your play partners, in depth, before you begin your sessions. Never assume that what you've seen in cartoons, illustrations, erotic works, and films will be what your partner is truly after. Like so many things in life, BDSM is never that simple.

Yes, Master (entry 24): Questions and Answers

This is an article for my "Yes, Master" column that appears every other Wednesday on The New Gay website. Visit The New Gay to read some of my other entries (simply enter "Master Aiden or "Yes Master" into the search feature) as well as additional insightful columnists and writings related to LGBT interests.

http://thenewgay.net/

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Q: Dear Master Aiden, would you ever kidnap me in public?

A: Kidnapping fantasies are pretty typical but I can't "kidnap" someone in public due to confusion that can be caused by witnesses possibly (probably) not understanding the context in which the "kidnapping" is taking place. Being a Dom is edgy enough as it is. Let's keep the Master/slave dynamics reserved for within the dungeon walls. Understand? Of course you do.

Q: Do you have a St. Andrew's Cross that you can bind me to?

A: Indeed I do. There is are conventional, wooden x-style St. Andrew's Crosses at a couple of the dungeons that I frequent as well as a medieval torture chamber-style chain/shackles set, at my private dungeon, that serves a similar purpose.

Q: Have you ever done something that you regret?

A: Haven't we all? Do you mean to a slave? If that's what you're asking than the answer is "very, very rarely".

Q: Would you ever do some fetish modeling for me?

A: No. The only photoshoots that I participate in are 100% orchestrated by me. That way I can stay within the tonal framework that I feel suits my particular approach to professional Domming.

Q: Would you ever dominate me along with another pro Master or Mistress?

A: Yes, we can do that but, as every 21st century person knows, coordinating schedules can be difficult unto itself so as long as everything is fully scheduled out far in advance, a multi-Dom/Domme session is available.

Q: What do you look for in a slave?

A: True, actual obedience. Good communication as well as being a good sport.