This is an article for my "Yes, Master" column that appears every other Wednesday on The New Gay website; it will be featured there tomarrow. Visit The New Gay to read some of my other entries (simply enter "Master Aiden or "Yes Master" into the search feature) as well as additional insightful columnists and writings related to LGBT interests. .....................
The BDSM world has it's traditions, it's cliches, it's standards, what it's known to be and stand for.
But what is not expressed enough is how important it is to stay true to your individuality, to your particular interests, rather than caving to the traditions and trends that don't suit you and your personality.
More than ever, the bondage/fetish scene is multifaceted. Rather than splintering the scene, I believe that it makes it stronger in it's variety and sparks new and unusual interests for others. The standards that were once thought to be ultimate (leather, humilation, dog collars, etc.) are still intact but are no longer taken for granted. For example, it seems that there are just as many kinksters who are or have switched from leather to rubber gear. There are plenty of slaves who are intolerant of feeling humilated--mutual respect and a more back-and-forth playful dynamic is increasingly emerging within the scene. And, certainly, not every submissive is interested in being collared. These are, obviously, just a couple tiny tips of the iceberg.
For Doms and Dommes as well, we have (and should have) our own ways of doing things, our own interests, yes's, no's, favorites. Never assume that Dominants are interchangeable. The experience that you may have serving one Dom does not necessarily hint at what will happen when you're with another Dom.
BDSM is about freedom of exploration, originality, fetish indulgence, and novelty. Ironically, I don't personally see it as anything remotely connected to REAL restraint or limitation that you haven't already imposed on yourself. What makes "bondage" and "discipline" valuable is that you and your play partner are fully responsible for the variety of experiences that you endure. If something seems "weird" (even for the fetish scene and, yes, there are niches within niches) but interests and suits you, then go for it. But, at the same time, just because an activity or tone seems "standard" or "a given" withing BDSM, doesn't mean that you shouldn't just completely reject it if it doesn't suit your personality or interests. What I think sometimes limits participation within the bondage/fetish scene is the feeling that in order to be involved in or practice BDSM, that you MUST be into A, B, and C, etc. This simply isn't true.
BDSM consists of what you CHOOSE for it to consist of within your own life. The idea that there is a particular framework that you must fit within in order to feel included as part of that world is irrelevent. Kink is about variety, following your own interests, setting your own standards, breaking cliches, and then exploring within or outside whatever circle of experiences that you, whether a Dom or a sub, are the master of creating.
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